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Personal Ads
Last updated at 5:29 pm UTC on 21 October 2006

Single white female seeking a seriously obese, selfish slob who is lazy, rude and air headed. Chronic bad breath and compulsive lying a plus. Want someone to clean up after and financially support while he lies on the couch drinking beer and smoking all day.

Single white male seeking a beautiful young lady to take care of me financially. I am a seriously obese, selfish slob who is lazy and rude. I am air headed, have chronic bad breath and am a compulsive liar. I enjoy laying on the couch all day drinking beer and smoking.

Dear seriously obese, selfish slob,
I am an attractive single female who would love to take care of you. I am a very successful attorney.

First date: She shows up at his house about 7 pm and takes him to the local bar and grill where he has a hamburger platter and a rib platter as well as 5 beers for dinner. For dessert he orders one of every dessert on the menu since he can’t decide what he wants. She has a chicken salad for dinner accompanied by a glass of water with lemon in it. For dessert she has a cup of coffee. The conversation is virtually nonexistent; every time she tries to talk to him he hushes her so he can watch the game on the big screen TV. This doesn’t bother her at all. When they are finished with dinner and the bill arrives she pays for the meal. After dinner they go to the movies. At the concession stand they order a jumbo tub of popcorn, soda, snickers bars and a bottle of water. He consumes the entire tub of popcorn before the movie starts, not once offering any of the popcorn to her. He then sends her to get a complimentary refill on the popcorn before the movie starts. When the movie is done they drive home. She opens the door for him and walks him to his door. She is totally smitten with him as is waiting awkwardly for a goodnight kiss. He however doesn’t seem to be as interested in her. He thinks he can do much better if he just holds out a little longer. Why should he settle for this one, he thinks to himself, I am quite the catch. After all she wasn’t as attractive as that supermodel in the magazine and the model probably makes more money than this attorney. When he thanks her for the lovely evening he says he will call her, knowing that he has no intent to do so. She makes him promise that he will call so he promises. He now wonders if he will call her again or not, since she made him promise. As she walks back to her car she wonders if he really will call her, she analyzes every moment and everything she said on their date. She tells herself how she could have done things differently to make herself more appealing to this man whom she found very attractive. She thinks to herself that she should have worn that slinky little black dress with a nice pair of high heals, it would have helped her make a better first impression. She thinks about how she would have appeared more successful if she had a newer car or leather seats.